Modern Warfare 2 bandwagon

It was inevitable.  This was a game I've been looking forward too since I drenched myself in the previous incarnation, single player campaign, online play, replaying single player on vet, completing all the acheivements - it was just that good.  I'm hopeful Modern Warfare 2 lives up to expectations.

When I found out Sainsburys were kicking the game out for £26 it was a full gone conclusion, despite the disaproval from the wife :-)  In fact I was so fixed on getting a copy I was actually there before the store opened and I queued for a game for the first time in my life!

So, I have an early finish from work today - and quiet relaxation/sleep and a break from baby stuff will now be replaced with violence, machine guns, online banter, and smack talk.  Fantasic.

Office Wrestling

Me: *grapples*
Co-worker: *supplexes*
Me: *1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 punch in the corner*
Co-worker: *reverses, followed by a slap to the chest, runs to the other corner, removes turn buckle cover, grabs him and throws him face first into expsoed metalwork*
Co-worker: * runs to opposite corner, face crowd, peels off elbow guard, lifts it to the gods of wrestling, throws it into the crowd, screaming blonde catches, sniffs and faints, turns in time to land a flying elbow drop*
Me: *barrel rolls out of the ring, picks up the chair, puts it down, picks up a wooden spoon, puts it down, picks up some chesse, throws it on the ring floor. Clambers back into the ring, gets opponent in a DDT between the legs, falls backwards to execute move, half way down utters the words "smell my cheese", and watches his opponent struggle with the thought of being locked between my legs with the strong odour of cheese thrashing at his nostrils...*

Placeholder for something better

I owe a considerable post on life in general at the moment.  Most significantly the recent arrival of my baby daughter Olivia.  I'm struggling to decide whether to have a seperate blog for my gushing on that subject, or whether to include the likely sporadic posts here.  Either way they'll be mention on here which ever way, of course.

For now a quick summary of recent times.

- Daughter born!!
- Coping with late nights!
- Found my Siamese Dreams CD
- Playing COD 4... again.
- Got a Blackberry Bold (through work)
- Feeling web inspired

There's hopefully more to come soon.

Mixing Business with Pleasure

Is it possible to play Call of Duty 4 whilst tending to your 6 week old, on your own, at 1am?

No, it is not.

That's my mug!

About... I dunno, 4 years ago I subscribed to the trend of taking a cup to work from home to drink my tea from. Everyone was doing it. The polostyrene one's in the office were shunned. But no-one wants to wash up at work, right? And so these cups are left to furment either in the kitchettes provided, on desks, in cupboards, or stashed under a colleagues desk so that they constantly wonder "what IS that smell!?". And my cup from home was no different.

For days (perhaps only a day maybe...) I slurped my tea back with wild abandonment. It felt like being at home. Except I wasn't.

Then one day (the same day maybe...) it seemed necessary to wash out the previous beverage's remains and stains so off to the kitchenette I went, and meh. It got left on the side with dozens of other best intentions. When I returned the next day enthausmed for more cup fun and a whole new perspective on washing up, she was gone - stolen away as if it was one of those plain permantely stained cups provided by the work place. Gone.

I easily fell back into my polostyrene ways and the "make, drink, and drop" style remained mine and still does to this very day.

Every now and again when I've attened site in the depths of night for on call reasons I've seen my cup, either on the wash board filthy, or prestine in the cupboard and I always use it on these occasions. But again it is destined to realise its usual fate.

But today, when I needed it most, when I'd been up all night with Olivia and thoughts of coffee and awakeness burnt in my mind all the live long way to work - what should be greeting me when I cannot falter the lock on the cupboard that stores the polostyrere cups?

My cup. And I will never let you go again!!

...until you are dirty.

I think I'd like a bike...

I've been thinking about it on and off for a while now, and I really fancy a motorbike. Nothing crazy, nothing wildly powerful, I'm not into all that. But I'd like to try it, experience it, plan long rides with a friend, that kind of thing - sounds right up my street.

Of course there's the expense and the onset of a new baby on the scene, but surely that shouldn't stop me doing things I like or stop me from persuing a passion?

Certainly worth looking into. CBT for my Birthday, save some money, buy a little bike, enjoy. Sounds good.

*post heavily inspired by this blog: http://www.thepostman.org.uk/ and thankfully the need has since subsided*

The Smashing Pumpkins

I was sifting through some music I'd found on an old harddrive on Friday and stumbled across some Smashing Pumpkins tracks. They've really made some fantastic music.

I can remember being into the whole Nirvana and Pearl Jam thing when I was at school (around 91, 92), not the scene particularly but the music definately. Sure, I had a check-shirt, but I wasn't into guitar and I didn't hate my parents. Anyway, I think like a lot of people I hadn't really gotten wind of the Pumpkins back then (even though they had an album out, Gish, by that point) and I continued to unfortunately overlook them for a number of years. Around 95, 96 a friend of mine picked up Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness and I gave it a listen. The attraction of the heavy guitars and ferocious vocals pulled me in, but I don't think I gave it much listening time as I was going through a Neil Young Zuma, Freedom, Weld kind of phase at the time.

When I hit University, and musical interests became a common topic of conversations/distraction, their name would pop up and I'd be able to convey my meagre knowledge of some of their music and at least know enough to know that around 96, 97 and on the back of their epic double album Melon Collie, their popularity was at a high. So I revisited that album, became hugely drawn to it, and with it came the usual process of buying up the back catalouge and soaking myself in it until I was drenched! Siamese Dreams effected me the most at the time, and had a big influence for me personally with regards to the music I was experimenting with. You see, around 97 I guess, I'd finally picked up the guitar. I'd always been into guitar driven music and now I craved being able to replicate my favourites - and in turn make something of my own. There's alot to be said for coming up with a chord sequence, or a melody, or even a noise that YOU made and that you like the sound of. It's writing to your own taste, and you can get more whenever you like. I don't pretend to be profecient or even intermediate some many years later, but I still get a kick out of it, and I still enjoy it bashing away the best I can.

Pumpkins were'nt the only band I liked the sound of around that time, with my love for Nirvana, Perl Jam, Metallica, Neil Young, and Foo Fighters all playing their part for my musical soul, but the Smashing Pumkins had so much energy in their music - so many layers - that I was quickly a huge fan.

Back to finding some Pumpkins tracks on a lost harddrive. There weren't many of them (I had the albums on CD anyway, right), but as I flicked through I remembered a dear favourite of mine, the track "Hummer" on Siamese Dreams. It's much easier to find music online than it ever has been, and in particular when I want to check out a track quick without the rigimors of finding them on sneaky sites and downloading copies that turn out to be a completely differnt band or porn, I fired up YouTube and did a quick search. Obviously loads of results, and to my delight there were a handsome amount of music videos and live performances. I poured over them for hours, happening on some rare footage and some documentaries to boot. The guitar came out, the tablature for Hummer was sought, and although I'd get no-where near replicating it in full or even well, I managed enough of the intro chords to fill me with that same enthausiasm I had for them over 10 years ago.

And once again I find the drive to work all that more acceptable, as Gish resolves around and around in my CD player, with Adore having never left the glove box, and when I finally locate my lost copy of Siamese Dreams I'm sure it will once again become a permanent resident until I've attacked my ear drums with it so much that I start thinking in rich swirls of melon collie and wallowing in fuzz soaked waves of guitar...

Blogging blasts from the past

As explained in a previous post, at one point or another I was quite into World of Warcraft. Well, today I found out just how much...

You see, I do remember doing a little blogging on the subject a while back ( 2007/08) - but those links were long forgotten and with them all record of that period of time... but I found them! And there were many posts!!

I had no idea that I'd written so much, and seeing as this blog is for me to flex the occasional creative writing muscle I've consolidated all those old posts into this blog under the very clever sub category World of Warcraft so that all evidence of what I've written past and present are here in historical format. I must admit, I did enjoy re-reading some of that old stuff - some of it lasting well and sounding very much like me... and some utter twoddle. But for the main part, a very enjoyable revisit. Check them out if the subject matter of WoW and hunters interests you, or the scrutiny of people's past works gives you a kick also.

I may well do the same for a raft of posts I started and never finished on our honeymoon in Kenya experiences. Watch this space.

What I'm listening too

I have to drive an hour to work via two pretty much full time stacked motorways, and then an hour back home - which has on occasion spanned as long as 3 hours if there is an accident. I'm sure this is not uncommon for a number of people.

Doing at least two hours in a car each day gives me ample opportunity to listen to music, and the CD player is rarely off during my commute.

This week in the passenger seat and raring to go, and by way of a top 5, have been:

1. Drive-by Truckers - The Dirty South
2. Patterson Hood - Murdering Oscar
3. Drive-by Truckers - Brighter than Creations Dark
4. Joe Bonamassa - Ballad of John Henry
5. Wilco - Sky Blue Sky

Stand out tracks across the albums; Where the Devil Don't Go (Dirty South), Murdering Oscar (title track), Funkier than a Mosquitos tweeter (Balld of John Henry), and That man I shot (Brighter than Creations Dark).

Sometimes it's a pleasure to have a long commute :-)

World of Warcraft owned me...

I was never a hardcore gamer. Not even when I was a kid. I loved video games and everything about them, but I rarely had a next gen console, and I was never chasing graphic card evolution when it came to PC's. But I played a bit of everything, from Street Fighter II to MMO's and World of Warcraft become my prefered gaming passtime for a reasonable period.

At university my housemates and coursemates where all into the same kind of games, and at that time First Person Shooter (FPS), Real Time Strategy (RTS), and Role Playing Games (RPG) were in their element. We played and created custom maps for Duke Nukem and later Unreal Tournament, peppered each other with tanks in C&C Red Alert and Total Annialation, and spend hours pouring over stats in Diablo and Baldurs Gate.

Oh man Baldurs Gate. What a game. It was single player game so detailed and beautifully storied that it was often the reason for a missed class or drinking binge. Diablo on the other hand was an excuse to drag our respective machines round to each others houses and connect them up so that we could battle the elements together. This soon became the case for every game that allowed mutliplayer and we continued the process of lugging computer gear miles and miles long after we left University.

By this time we were into whatever lastest version of UT it was at the time, Quake 3 Arena, and the latest incarnation of Diablo - but soon Massively Multiplater Online Games (MMO) started to loom onto the horizon. Initially dismissing them as forums for nerds with far too much time on there hands I was encouraged over time to sign up to a game a group of my friends were playing called EVE online. This changed my perspective on video games forever. EVE was, and will likely always be, the most thought provoking, involving, strategic, and satisfying game I have ever played. It dominated our lives and our discussions for a very long time. I struggled with the time commitment it asked of you, and still shared some perspective from outsiders that it was a soul dominating environment that asked too much and ultimately in the grand scheme of things gave nothing - but still it was a huge draw for all of us and we formed a Corporation in game that we lovingly ran, developed, and enjoyed.

In the end EVE turned out to be incompatible with girlfriends, and bit by bit I pulled myself away from the scene.  Still starving for a game pastime I persued a new incarnation of the Warcraft universe, an MMO called World of Warcraft. WoW advertised itself as "any game-time commitment" friendly, in that if you weren't there you weren't losing out. In fact the longer you were gone, the more experience points (XP) you would build up so that when you did return the things you slay we more valuable and consequently you were easily able to catch up. A fine design, and exactly what I was looking for! EVE had been a punishing Player Vs Player (PvP) world in which absence could result in lost teritory and income, whereas WoW promised the same game experience whether you were online all day or for an hour.
EVE had been heavily sociable, and with my friends still persistant in that game and almost none in WoW I headed back to EVE online for a time to enjoy it from the angle of playing the bad guy, as many of my friends had also chosen. For a while this was a "time friendly" way to enjoy the game - it mainly involved logging on, heading out into the cosmos to find someone with either money, materials, or simply easy targets, and dispatching them for their precious cargo or another notch on the killboard. It was satisfying and profitable.  But the cracks started to show again, and I found it harder and harder to manage a new girlfriend and the late night rampaging through the game - and once again I put it down to persue other interests. It was the right thing to do, but had the ill effect or losing some Real Life (RL) contact with my buddies - which was highly regrettable.

With gaming still in my blood, once again WoW become the prefered option and I feaverishly got back into it. I wasn't terribly interested in running dungeons or grouping and the single player aspect tickled my every fancy. More and more friends dropped in to try the game and those that stayed organised a guild and it was a highly enjoyable period.

Online games had long been a bone of contention with my partner however, and my penchant for saying "just 5 more minutes" and being online for 2 more hours was growing thin with her. I'd now seen alot of the game, actively participating in guild activities, running more and more dungeons, and taking a liking to more group activity based challenges. I very much did not want to stop playing, but it had gotten to a point where I was allocated a night I could play (Tuesdays) and (a) if I missed the opportunity it would really grate me, and (b) I was totally unable to hold myself too it, often slipping online Friday nights, Saturdays, and Sundays.

There are worse crimes obviously, but my home life was starting to suffer a little from it and I gave it up on the basis that the Xbox I received for my 30th birthday would be able to sustain my gaming wimms, and perhaps I could finally break the additction of WoW crack. And that's the way it worked..... up until now :-)

I still read the odd snippet about WoW and now and again I get those pangs that make you want to break your online silence and once again ride forth through Azeroth. Obviously the soon to be arrival of a baby is highly incompatible with this thought process and the mear mention of the game may well send my wife into hysterics.... but, every now and again I think about installing it and taking a peek to see what new features are cool and whether anyone I use to play with is still around.

I mustn't! I won't! But still, none the less, World of Warcraft owns me....

iLove it

I'm starting to obsess over the iPhone.

Many many months ago when it was released I thought it was an attractive bit of kit and like everyone else I wanted one, but the price was ridiculous and so it wasn't to be. Not too off-put I carried on with my normal life and my normal phone.

Present day, they have become affordable (I guess) and finally within the realms of possible ownership - but now I'm torn over whether to pull the trigger or not! See, now that's it been a little while the competition have started releasing comparable devices with a host of similar or in some cases superior features. So effectively rendering my previous no-brainer decision a now potential reflex decision with drastic gadget related consequences!!

Well... ok, so maybe it's not quite that bad. In fact, surely having comparable devices to investigate makes the whole experience a bit more fun and a lot more valuable to us the consumer. Right? Wrong. Now there's too much choice! I'm not precious about phones at all but in this instance, when realistically I'll have to shell out of some dosh to get one, I need to consider my needs carefully. I also realise that whatever I buy will be obsolete in 6 months making the 24 month contracts seem like unbrakeable chains of telecomunitive restraint.

So with all this in mind and a little research later I've gotten it down to a few phones I'm interested in. The iPhone, the HTC Hero, and the Palm Pre. All attractive, all innovative, all feature heavy, and all realistically obtainable.

Now if you thought this was going to be a break down of pro's and cons you were wrong. I've gone over that enough in my head and in almost every area each has a case for why it's superior. No, what I'm talking about is money, plain and simple.

I'm with Orange who rather nicely carry the HTC Hero. With a £5 increase in monthly payments I could lay my hands on one for FREE! Put that in the plus column if you must. The iPhone on the other hand is not only on a different network but would also see and increase of £10 on top of what I currently pay monthly to (a) get the 3G version for FREE or (b) stick on £90 for the new and shiny 3Gs version. Yum yum. I've absolutely no quarms about changing provider if it gets me the device I want, and you can even carry your numnber so that is a moot point. But the facts stand:

- HTC for a meagre £5 increase per month
- iPhone for an extra £10 a month and potentially £90 initial expense.

Lets break down the iPhone options. 3G or 3Gs. I've pumped questions into google along the lines of "is there really any point getting a 3Gs over a 3G version" and all I ever get back is "depends". The 3Gs certainly is faster, every resource I've plucked through agrees with that, but is that really important to me? No. The 3Gs is capable of recording relatively low quality video which, with a baby on the way, could provide not only hours of fun but a good way for me to share little triumphs over the net for my family to revel in. Awww. That's a plus. Other features like being able to voice dial people sounds useful for car journeys and for being flash at any opportunity but ultimately they don't interest me enough to be a must. Just find contact, dial 'em, right. So I'm not moved by that stuff. But the video, I'll admit, I'd get a kick out of that.

Is that feature worth £90 to me and an inflated monthly payment....

The other extenuating factor is my wife also wants an iPhone. Should I advise her to get the 3G one for FREE and then allow me to drop £90 on my one? Hardly seems fair. So are we now talking about £180 for a couple of phones and £20 more per month on phone contracts? For 2 years!!!

Ok this is where I normally start to get hazey and pass out. We're not talking unsurmountable quantities of money here, but I can think of hundreds (well... a couple) of things that kind of money could be put towards.

And that's when the HTC Hero slips into view once more, sporting a low cut dress, and ridiculous looking chin. There is however no denying that it's an attractive prospect, and I hear good things about if from a friend of mine who regales me with it's possibilities but laments its current sluggishness. (soon to perhaps be altered in a patch?)

I know a great number of people with iPhones and I occasionally snatch them from their now touch screen happy dexterous hands and navigate it's menus with that "not trying to be intrusive to your private data but I must inspect every aspect of it" sense of purpose. I know it's the prefered device. I know getting the 3Gs over the 3G means I get increased speed in applications and a onboard movie maker to exploit my childs daily triumphs with and share with everyone I know for no other reason that its so damn cute! But...

...the HTC keeps making eye contact and it's availability and comparable cheapness is very VERY endearing.

Site themes

I will readily admit that site themes torment me! I can't write until I'm comfy with the look and feel of the site and safe in the knowledge that the presentation is there. Which is pathetic! I've read a number of sites, blogs, articles, and the content mattered a whole lot more than the layout. But this is my little spot on the web and I'm a sucker for a nice bit of design.

I will find one I like!

edit: I settled on a default one anyway! It's not too exciting but it's neat and its kicked of my need to write again :-)

What we're not watching...

You remember the post "What we are watching"? Well the first film on the list was Quantum of Solace. It is still at our house!!! The concept of this Blockbuster post it/receive it business is to get through your list as quickly as possible to take full advantage of the price you pay and get your moneys worth. Now, on a couple of occasions they have not had it available and sent us another DVD from our list (whatever they were they were forgettable because.... er, I can't remember what they were) so it's not quite as bad as it looks, but still - We suck terribly at getting the DVD's back, and we normally watch them the evening they arrive. *sigh*

That's it, I'm starting a list:

1. Must get better at sending DVD's back.

Right, home, put DVD in packing, send off... whatever it takes.

Epic Fail

Last weekend I was a keen bean about getting things sorted around the house. We have a baby on the way (don't worry, they'll be a proper post on that!) and a spare room that has been a repository for junk for far too long.

A couple of weekends back I had gotten rid of the spare double bed we had, and it went from audious chore to enourmous fun in the space of about 5 minutes. The reason? A hammer. The bed was a duvan, and as such was made up of two hallow frames (so it could accomodate drawers) wrapped in fabric - so basically you have two boxes as the base. Having lugged them all the way downstairs, panting and sweating, I quickly came to realise that they weren't going in the boot. I hadn't really wanted to start my day messing around with furniture, and I still wasn't convinced that the bed in whole form wasn't worth some money. But the powers that be (Emma) had determined it junk so junk it was. Fine, but how was I going to get it to the dump. Hammer time baby!! I only have a little claw hammer but man, it made short work of it. I was jumping, leaping, stamping, slamming, clawing, wrenching, and destroying to my hearts content - I reduced it to splinters I'm telling you. FUN!

Wait, what? How did I get onto that? Anwyway, so I had this room to clear and the main contributer to my reluctance was the computer desk. This room has been my domain for 2 years now, and has been basically a boys room of things that are fun. Computer(s) in the corner, shelving full of CD's and old consoles and games, guitar(s) and amps about the place, it was great. At any turn there was something of mine, something to play with - and now the baby wanted it out! I don't really mind of course, I rejoice in the thought of converting this space into a babies room and Emma has some brilliant ideas surrounding that, but where the hell was all my stuff going to go? Where was I going to sit at my computer and do what I do? Where was I going to practice being a rock and roll star? Where was I going to lay on the floor with all my CD's around me putting them into some clever order? Dammit, where was I going to hide!! Bit by bit I started dismantling things. The computer desk now resides in our bedroom... on my side of the bed - which is about as far away from a power plug as can be in that room. The shelving went to a better home and my cd's nestle sheepishly in a smaller unit in the landing. All the rest, yep still in there. Hence the title.

You see I was left to my own devices most of Saturday last week, with one clear message coming from my wife... "Clear out the room before I kill you until you are dead from it!!!" or words to that effect. As the whip crashed over me I begged to be left to it while she.... er, went out and had fun I think. Anyway, I started immediately (after a quick game of Call of Duty 4) on dismantling the computer desk. It was dusty. I made a mess. I broke the desk a little. It was a sunny day. I got hot. I got fed up. But I completed that task all the same, and it fit pretty well into our room and I considered the fact that we would now be able to watch DVD's or even downloaded or streamed content - a nice little byproduct actually. But there was more to be done, and I started back immediately (after a quick sit down and some TV) to the spare room to continue. The last break had drained my enthausiasm, but nevertheless I decided the next step was to stick some items in the loft, one of which was a TV stand that I've never been able to find the screw key for. Well, I found it straight away (who knew actually looking would work) and I made short work of it's breakdown and now I had a good size pile of stuff to put in the loft. The day was now cooking and I considered another break - and before I knew it I was outside with a cup of tea. Suddenly hungry I gave Emma a ring to see what she wanted to do about lunch, and the response was "I've already eaten". Perfect. And that marked the end of that session. I'd bottom'd out on that bomb shell.

What does this mean? What this means is this weekend, the glorious sunny bank holiday weekend, will be spent finishing that room so that it is ready to decorate next weekend. And that kids is why you should do what you're told and finish something when you say you will...

Ushering in a new era of lawn upkeep

Bit of an overstatement, but none the less the grass is now cut. I did indeed borrow the aforementioned flymo and it was brilliant.

I started out the back, and fired away with no clear plan of coverage. The flymo was struggling, the grass considerable in height, and occasionally it coughed and stubbled as it keenly tore through. When it did get to an agreeable height it happily made a good job of it. And it was a pleasure to use as well, light and nibble, quiet and easy.

After some considerble effort I looked around to review my progress and found there there wasn't any - I perservered with renewed vigor. Eventually I'd covered the area, and with the exception of the border (which was still sporting it's messy hair look) it was looking prettyneat. It came however at a cost, I was knackered. With the old mower it was a simple walk up and down the garden with it purring away yumming up all the grass. Because of it's wieght it did alot of the work itself and now I was missing it, as I felt the heat in the lower back and contemplated the compression of my spine that I was suffering at the hands of the nippy flymo. The new guy had also neglected to retreive a single particle of grass.... it lacked the capacity, and again I looked over to my old mower in the corner with its onboard grass collector with renewed fondness.

This was shortlived. Though the old one appeared to offer more services, it was frankly never really good at them. For example, the weight meant moving it around was back breaking, it's straight line regime and rollers - while useful for creating light and dark stripes - was a game breaker if you missed a bit or made a mistake, and it's ace in the pack grass collector needed emtying constantly throughout. The reminiss was over, there was a new sheriff in town! So what if I needed to rake up the grass, it just looks like I'm working hard and in the process earning me more browny points. Right? Anway, it's sunny, raking will be... oh, I don't own a rake.

I'd borrowed the flymo with the promise of bringing it back the same day and I'm renowed for "borrowing" things longer term than planned and I wanted to break out of this association. I popped the mower in the car and headed for the sister in laws - hell, I'd pick up a rake and shears on the way home! (which I was interested in trying over a strimmer). Obviously stunned by the early return of their possesion they foolishing impulse offered me a rake and shears and although I wanted some of my own I accepted in the interest of time (and effort), so armed and dangerous I headed home to finish the job.

Target 1 was the front garden. The flymo had owned it, although the grass was such that it required that I hold the mower with both hands and do an initial sweep of the area a number of inches above the surface, then it was down to the nitty griity of trimming down. The front garden went from miniture nature reserve to short back and sides in a pretty short space and I took time to admire the new neatness of it all. Now for the finishing touches with the rake and shears. It turned into an obsessions. A snip here, and snip there, a re-snip there to keep the height accordingly.... and re-re-snip to adjust..... and re-do of the whole thing..... then further touchups! It was a enjoyable process but it was started to get old and in my haste to finish I servered the wire that records the gas and electric usage to the monitor outside and continued in a more mindful manner. Some raking later and I was done out the front. Tings were looking better.

I started on the back garden snipping my war around the perimeter, and by now I was starting to lag. My back was hurting and half way round I decided enough was enough and I needed a break... besides I was hungry.

And well I should be, it was gone 8 o'clock and Emma had neglected her duties as live in chef and irresponsibly fallen asleep on the couch! Disgraced she stubbled into the kitched and started to create something, and I used my role of critic and professional moaner to excuse myself from continuing the shearing and left the rest for the following day. It had been a good effort, the garden was looking much better, and the flymo had done itself proud.

.... I could almost hear our old mower choking in his own filth, outside, in the cold, lamenting it's inner workings which gave in to months of exposure. If it could speak it would likely say "bloody kids" as the memory of the small fast and nippy flymo burned in it's memory.

Lawn mower down

Our lawnmower is broken. Or at least, it's stopped working.

We were bought this mower as a moving in gift from Emma's parents, which was very nice of them - and as mowers go it's always been fine. Electric powered, rotary blade, roller on the back, no worries. The only real issue, and it's not a huge deal, is that it's fairly bulky - meaning when it comes to do the small patch of grass fondly referred to as the front garden it gets a bit tricky to manavoure and isn't really practical. None the less, it does a sterling job out back and the roller allows me to create Wembley style stripes up and down the pitch. I mean garden.

Now, storage of said mower was an issue. Money is often tight and some things fall by the wayside - and some form of shed or storage unit for the garden is one of them. Therefore, the mower is stored in a nice cosy corner of the garden and wrapped in plastic. This is far from ideal, I realise that, but plastic is in fact water proof and you can't tell me it's going to be warmer and happier in the shed. Well you could say that, but I'd mostly ignore you. It had concerned me throughout the winter, as I gazed at it longingly from the warmth and dry of our kitchen with a nice hot cup of tea in my hand and regretted it's weather induring misfortune - although feeling powerless to commit money to it. I'd like to think that it breaking in a smells all smokey, oh God the power is draining, what's that noise, ah shit, kind of way - was in no way related to it being stored outside for..... 2 years? I'd also like to think that no-one would hold me accountable for it's immediate failure to operate, although a giant foam finger is likely soon to be pointed at me for not caring enough about someone's gift to protect it appropraitely. And to be honest, that's valid.

There are two issues as I see it. (1) The grass is not mowed, and being spring it's going batshit crazy out there. Weather permitting I hope to get some garden work in this weekend because, damn, it's looking like it's going to go amazon any second. (2) I'd like a flymo, I really would. A small one. It's nippy, floats on a blanket of air, and it's highly mavauverable. But effectively replacing a gift... that's dangerous teritory.

So, tempoary solution is in place. Borrow the sister-in-laws flymo. Get the grass down this evening. Attempt to fix the old failing mower this weekend by gleefully tearing it to pieces to "see" if I can find anything wrong with it (perhaps it needs greasing up or something). If all else fails I'll be forced to buy a new one, simple as that. And I think I'm willing to commit some money towards some kind of garden storage unit to save this happening again. I don't want to spend the money but lesson learnt it needs doing!

Honestly, if it's not one thing it's another!

I went to the Dentist: Part 3

As acting assistant I attempted to make the best job I could of it - after all, it was in my interest of course! It was purplexing to be involved at this level though, but at least he'd given up trying to do both the drilling and the suction. Having a dentist drop tools on your chest by accident because he was unable to do a two person job on his own was more than a little bit intimidating. Especially as I watched particles of tooth launch from my mouth and onto my mask! I was suspecting I'd been lights out twice, I was helping the dentist operate the suction arm because he was alone, and with all the time it had taken with the x-ray I had now been there an unacceptable amount of time - dammit there were games to be played.

The dentist paused and allowed the drill to whir down....

Dentist: "Hmm, seems the decay is worse than I thought"
Me: "Thought that's what the xray was for?"
Dentist: "Indeed, but it didn't show very well. This is far more decayed than I initially thought"
Me: "Sooooo, what does this mean?"
Dentist: "Er.... we'll just pack more filling into it - should be ok"

This "should be ok story" was getting old but I no longer had designs on legging it, I wanted this over and done with so I could get the hell outta here. This guy owed me a filling!

After a further flurry with the drill he was done, and began working on the filling. Having avoided an injection I was still left feeling groggy with the addition of worried and in pain, but there was light at the end of the tunnel and although the packing of the tooth was deeply uncomfortable I knew things we coming to a head.

Finally he uttered the magic words that he was done, and I limped my ass out of his domain feeling far worse than when I went in. He wiped the sweat from his brow and bd me farewll, but there was however more insult to come:

Receptionist: "That'll be £xx"
Me: "Whatever. Here's my card"
Receptionist: "We don't take card"
Me: "What the hell? What kind of place doesn't take card. I mean, this is a surgery isn't it? This is a busines right?"
Receptionist: "We only take cash"
Me: "This is crazy! I don't carry around £xx in cash!"
Receptionist: "Well there's a cash point around the corner, I can come with you and you can withdraw the cash for us"

Ok, this had personal burglary written all over it. But I was defenceless, twitching from the filling compound ache and weary from the ordeal - so I offered to withdraw the cash as requested but I would go alone thanks very much. SURELY YOU NEED TO BE HERE!!

I made my way to the cash machine and withdrew the ammount required to the nearest £10, questioning myself over actually paying and thinking more than twice about simply walking home - but I'd been asked to leave my keys there to ensure I returned. Mind boggling.

Anway, I headed back paid them IN CASH and got my measly change. I got home, took some paracetomol and crashed on the sofa. It had not been the best experience.

I would crack a tooth two more times after this incident, over the space of a number of years. What can I say, I like boiled sweets. The first time I returned to my dentist in my hometown (yep, I made the effort to go there especially) and although more expensive I didn't feel a thing. There were a number of assistants, the dentist explained what he was doing, and they had a glowy heated wand thing that sealed the compound immediately meaning I could eat on it straight away. What's more I trusted them. The second time I went to my wifes dentist with whom I was recently registered and again it was almost a pleasure - painless, friendly, easy, and professional. And long may that tradition continue!

I went to the Dentist: Part 2

I wake in the morning completely forgetting about the trauma I've endured. I wonder about the flat trying to wake up, make myself some toast, chuck it in my gob, bite down on..... NOTHING!! Ah yeah.

I made my appointment early morning and having already committed to taking the day off work I'd made the decision I wasn't going to waste my time sleeping late, knocking nervously around the house waiting for dental hell... no, no. I was going to nip this in the bud right now and spend the rest of the day playing computer games and watching TV. I grab the address of the surgery off google, memorise the route and get underway.

I leave ridiculously early, that's just how I roll, meaning I arrive and take the opportunity to revel in the sun and walk around the block. Eventually I get up the motivation to dive in and am immediately on the back foot.

Me: "Hi, I'm... what the..."
Receptionist: "Hello. Can help you?"
Me: "Yeah, er... I thought this was a dentist surgery?"
Receptionist: "That's right, we're having a bit of a redecoration"
Me: "But, but it's someone's house. We're in the living room"
Receptionist: *blank stare*
Me: "Ok. Um, I have an appointment - broken tooth guy, I probably spoke to you on the phone"
Receptionist: "Yes, just let me find a file..."

This is the point where she makes her way into the lounge and starts wading through a tipped over pile of brown paper folders that are literally occupying the entire floor space. There are three or four chairs as a waiting room... none of them match.

Receptionist: "Ok, you can go straight in"
Me: "Which way?"
Receptionist: "Through the door"
Me: "... the door hanging off it's hinges?"
Receptionist: "I did say, there is some works going on"

I started towards the door, and I'm proper crapping it. This did not look sanitary, comfortable, I was in no way feeling self assured that this was even in fact a dentists - but what's the worst that could happen? What, they'd strap me into a chair, torture me? Well....

No-one is in the room and I look around at the vast nothingness. Dentist chair, check. Little side table, check... er, flys buzzing around, check... check, check, check. Eventually someone in casual clothing enters the room and gives his name. "Take a seat please Mr Stocker". Nervously I lie prone in the chair and the investigation begins.

Dentist: "Ah yes, I see.... you will require a filling"

Ok, I'm starting to relax now. You see I was expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I was worried I'd decimated so much of my tooth that I'd need a crown or something equally expensive/painful. I was strangely over the moon to discover it wasn't regarded as particularly serious and although it would incur a cost I at least knew it would be a sensible one.

Dentist: "This is a minor bit of work, I don't even think you will need an injection"
Me: "What? Really?
Dentist: "Sure"
Me: "Hey, an injection avoided is fine by me"

I was beaming with confidence now, this was going to be an in an out job with no craggy feeling afterwards from the injection. Bring it on Doc!

Dentist: "Oh wait, I haven't done any xrays"
Me: "Umm, what for if it looks fine?"
Dentist: "Well it might be cracked or rotten under the gum line"
Me: "But you just said easy peasy no injection etc etc"
Dentist: "True. It'll probably be ok"
Me: "Are you taking advice from me, I don't have any qualifications here?"
Dentist: "It should be fine, lets begin"

Fear was creeping in again. He reclined the chair, prompted me to open my mouth and did some pressure tests on the top of my tooth. It hurt. I yelped. He continued. Out came the drill for the forboding pre "bbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!" - comforting. It felt pretty unpleasant but I was holding it together with some occasional sqirming and the odd "ahhh". Then "ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" ............ nothing. I came too in pretty unpleasant pain with him saying:

Dentist: "Ok?"
Me: "Dude, what the.... ahhh, shit, that really hurt mate".
Dentist: "Almost done"

I'd tough it out, but I was pretty sure I just blacked out. I remember it hurting VERY much then things got darker then nothing for a bit. I was now bloody anxious, but I had a drill in my mouth what could I do. He continued. "Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"....... nothing.

Me: "Oh, oh I feel sick, oh dude that killed and I think I just passed out."
Dentist: "Lets get an xray"
Me: "What, now, half way through, no injection, pain, passing out, now?"

The machine was wheeled from outside the room and he positioned it then disappreared. He didn't come back for what felt like a pretty long time, and he was holding a small bit of yellow plastic. Had he spent that time making it? Dunno, but he was aiming for my mouth with it.

Me: "Humphhh, ahhh, arrrg, I think it's too big"
Dentists: "It's one size fits all"
Me: "It hurts, it's cutting into the bottom of my mouth"
Dentists: "You need this in, it's all we have"
Me: "No smaller ones?"
Denists: "Nope, you're going to have to cope. It's only for a few seconds"

This thing was cutting into me in a few different places but I bore the pain and eventually he got the xrays and buggered off again. I withdrew the plastic from my mouth and it was covered in blood. By now I was feeling a little woosey, and more than a little converned - to be honest while he was out the room thoughts of taking off were paramount in my mind. But this process was half done and I really wanted it sorted, finding a dentist had been hard enough.

He took ages to return with the xrays, and continued to explain with a massive grin on his face that the tooth was a little cracked below the surface but nothing to worry about - we could proceed safely. Just a litte more drilling, then the filling. The packing of the filling I knew I could handle after all this, and more drilling - gah I guess I was snookered on that one. The drill went back in, but this time I had a role to play. It hadn't occured to me until now but there was no assistant, and now thrust into my hand was the suction device which he placed and then asked me to hold.

Dentist: "Hold this here please. No, like this. Don't move it."
Me: "But it's kinda stuck to my tounge"
Dentist: "It's fine"

So, now I was acting assistant. I was not happy.

I went to the Dentist: Part 1

I went to the dentist and my teeth were... fine!!! Yes, I live - mwahahaha. In your face death misery, and most importantly decay! I mock you with my healthy gums, and chew at your bitterness and hatred with my solid and bitey white soldiers of enamul! FACE!

"Why so much loating?" I hear you cry. Let me explain.

When I was a boy I was forced to attend the dentists to the usual pre-determinded schedule of 6 months. I needed to do nothing. My Mum would pipe up when it was time, they had copies of the Beano in the waiting room, all the staff were lovely and kind, and the dentist himself was amusing and for the most part not a warden of dissapoinment and bestower of pain. Even when he declared braces were the best idea for scrawny invisible to women hormone fueled teenager. Whatever, we rode that storm and came out stronger. Everything was peaches.

Then I stopped going. Brush, floss when you remember, twice a day, yep ok I've got this. Thanks.

But these rules can be difficult to maintain when you lack motivation... gah, lets just say it - when you are lazy and thoughtless to your own dental health. This casual attitude went unchecked through University, into my first jobs and beyond - and then it happened.

Myself and a number of other people I worked with were being recognised for a job well done on a particular piece of work and we were being spoilt to a meal out at a decent restaurant. I wasn't with anyone I knew particuarly well, so I idoly chatted to my beers. Eventually a menu was thrust into my hands and I attempted to make sense of the french, however being relatively confined to the understanding of words such as "bonjour" and "cheval" the only option was to identify words that were the same in English and have a best guess. I ended up with raw beef starter and Lamb shank main. Raw beef starter. What kind of human orders that on purpose? I saw beef, I thought maybe skewed kebabs? No. Ultra thin slices of raw meat, that was so red as to convince my mind that it was in fact flesh from a recently mutilated cadavar. None-the-less very hungry and a little achohol fueled I perservered and it wasn't the animal roadkill scraps I had taken it for. Did I finish? Can't remember, but I'm not normally one to leave a man down.

Shortly after the main course was delivered, and after the betrayal of the menu for my corpse starter I was dreading the plate coming before me and being greated with a lambs head. Or arse. I was served last, dead last, out of about 25 people. In fact many people had already finished. But I didn't expect this to take very long, as with most fancy places the portions we made for those who are watching their waistelines and not their wallets and my thought process shifted to "eat this, drink up, thanks very much, McDonalds at the nearest service station". The lamb was hanging magnificently from a number of bones. I'm not mad on bones in meals, you can't eat it, it's basically the previous owner of the fleshes skeleton, and it's a battle between fingers and knife and fork that you hadn't counted on. Anyway, I began.

Not three mouthfuls into the meal came an almighty...

*crunch crunch, SNAP!!!*

What the.....

*grind grind grind, swallow*

"Man oh man, that was a tough bit of.... what, fat, bone? Have I just eaten bone!!!?" Followed by the quick inspection everyone does with their tounge, "1, 2, 3, 5, AHHHHHHH, what's happened to 4.

Me: 4? You ok buddy?
4: Ahhh, dude...
Me: 4, ah man what's happened!!?
4: Oh I feel bad, ahhhhh this is weird.
Me: I checked with tounge and he seems to think something is... *gulp*... missing!!?
4: Yeah, aaaaaah, you could say that. Lost the top corner buddy. Not gonna lie to you, it feels odd.
Me: Yeah, tounge said the same. Says it feel cavenous.
4: He's not wrong! I can't see the full extent without the lights on though. Would you mind hurrying to the bathroom and checking this out?
Me: Dude, I've love to but I'm trying to remain cool in front of all these people. I've already send messages to face to dim the red lights on the cheeks and I'm working with glands to stop the perfuse sweating. Brain is working on an exit strategy.
Brain: Matt
Me: Yup
Brain: We're gonna have to see this one out, they're taking the plates and pudding wil be server in a few moments.
Me: I like pudding!

So I sat there trying to asses the damage, remain calm.... calm!!! Calm!!! I've just lost a bit of me!! There's 0.025% less of Matt the person. Oh God, STUPID LAMB I HATE LAMB!!!

Anway, I juggled some kind of desert aorund without getting in my broken tooth, made my excuses, and headed for my car. I checked things out in the rear view mirror and it looked terrible. Not discounting the amount of redundant food parts swimming around but there was a HUGE chunk missing. It felt wierd and I mumbulled and lamented my blind food decisions.

The following morning, I trawled the net for a local dentist. I'd moved away from home years ago, and lived miles away now so I needed to find a dentist willing to work on me - which was not easy. Eventually I found one within walking distance of my place, and I booked up to see him the next day...

What we're watching

We subscibe to Blockbusters "post you a film" service, it's like Love Film. You've heard of that, right? Right. So I don't need to descibe the process. Anyway, these are the next ten films on our list with remarks I made in an email to my wife - seeing as I'd done all the hard work in setting up the list for films I wanted to see. I mean, wait!! Films WE wanted to see:

• Quantum of Solace - Bond, nice.


• Changeling – that one you wanted to see


• Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa – one for your Mum ?


• Burn after Reading – adverts looks good


• Yes Man – Jim Carey, should be like Liar Liar


• Inkheart – Another one for your Mum, features Brandon Fraiser and is fantasy


• Mad Money – Stars Diane Keaton so I added it for you


• Max Payne – Will be a bit Sin City like, but still looks quite good


• Flawless – Demi Moore diamond heist stuff


• Day the Earth Stood Still – Keanu Reeves classic sci fi remake.

Pretty good huh. Now, if I hadn't been trying to go for "see, I make decisions based on our mutual needs and interests" I would have put:

• Quantum of Solace - Cars, women, explosions, killing, sneaky sneak, stab, women, evil plans in ruins!!!! Not necessarily in order of preference.


• Changeling – What! You added that behind my back. Hmm, Clint Eastward... meh, I'm game.


• Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa – Hehe, cartoony animal fun - bring it!!


• Burn after Reading – Advert looked interesting in a kind of "skip to the end" sort of way. Added for curiousity.


• Yes Man – Standard Jim Carey over-the-top-look-at-me-a-thon. WIN!


• Inkheart – As long as he doesn't tell as story about spiders, safe.


• Mad Money – Added purely for "Wife safety check" purposes.


• Max Payne – Woo hooo! I played this game back in.... whatever! Expect slow motion effects of the Matrix like, but explosions, shooty shooty, sulky cop - should be watchable.


• Flawless – Demi Moore still makes films? Proove it.


• Day the Earth Stood Still – Lets poke fun at remakes and say CGI ruined the whole thing when in fact without said computer generated scenes it would have just been a bit of wood talking to other people about unavoidable crap.

I've been warned off adjusting the list without prior discussion (hey, who knew "Tropic Thunder" would arrive before "Tearjerker 3"), however this list is subject to change. Yes it is.

They say...

... you need to start somewhere. So I started, here.