I went to the Dentist: Part 3

As acting assistant I attempted to make the best job I could of it - after all, it was in my interest of course! It was purplexing to be involved at this level though, but at least he'd given up trying to do both the drilling and the suction. Having a dentist drop tools on your chest by accident because he was unable to do a two person job on his own was more than a little bit intimidating. Especially as I watched particles of tooth launch from my mouth and onto my mask! I was suspecting I'd been lights out twice, I was helping the dentist operate the suction arm because he was alone, and with all the time it had taken with the x-ray I had now been there an unacceptable amount of time - dammit there were games to be played.

The dentist paused and allowed the drill to whir down....

Dentist: "Hmm, seems the decay is worse than I thought"
Me: "Thought that's what the xray was for?"
Dentist: "Indeed, but it didn't show very well. This is far more decayed than I initially thought"
Me: "Sooooo, what does this mean?"
Dentist: "Er.... we'll just pack more filling into it - should be ok"

This "should be ok story" was getting old but I no longer had designs on legging it, I wanted this over and done with so I could get the hell outta here. This guy owed me a filling!

After a further flurry with the drill he was done, and began working on the filling. Having avoided an injection I was still left feeling groggy with the addition of worried and in pain, but there was light at the end of the tunnel and although the packing of the tooth was deeply uncomfortable I knew things we coming to a head.

Finally he uttered the magic words that he was done, and I limped my ass out of his domain feeling far worse than when I went in. He wiped the sweat from his brow and bd me farewll, but there was however more insult to come:

Receptionist: "That'll be £xx"
Me: "Whatever. Here's my card"
Receptionist: "We don't take card"
Me: "What the hell? What kind of place doesn't take card. I mean, this is a surgery isn't it? This is a busines right?"
Receptionist: "We only take cash"
Me: "This is crazy! I don't carry around £xx in cash!"
Receptionist: "Well there's a cash point around the corner, I can come with you and you can withdraw the cash for us"

Ok, this had personal burglary written all over it. But I was defenceless, twitching from the filling compound ache and weary from the ordeal - so I offered to withdraw the cash as requested but I would go alone thanks very much. SURELY YOU NEED TO BE HERE!!

I made my way to the cash machine and withdrew the ammount required to the nearest £10, questioning myself over actually paying and thinking more than twice about simply walking home - but I'd been asked to leave my keys there to ensure I returned. Mind boggling.

Anway, I headed back paid them IN CASH and got my measly change. I got home, took some paracetomol and crashed on the sofa. It had not been the best experience.

I would crack a tooth two more times after this incident, over the space of a number of years. What can I say, I like boiled sweets. The first time I returned to my dentist in my hometown (yep, I made the effort to go there especially) and although more expensive I didn't feel a thing. There were a number of assistants, the dentist explained what he was doing, and they had a glowy heated wand thing that sealed the compound immediately meaning I could eat on it straight away. What's more I trusted them. The second time I went to my wifes dentist with whom I was recently registered and again it was almost a pleasure - painless, friendly, easy, and professional. And long may that tradition continue!

I went to the Dentist: Part 2

I wake in the morning completely forgetting about the trauma I've endured. I wonder about the flat trying to wake up, make myself some toast, chuck it in my gob, bite down on..... NOTHING!! Ah yeah.

I made my appointment early morning and having already committed to taking the day off work I'd made the decision I wasn't going to waste my time sleeping late, knocking nervously around the house waiting for dental hell... no, no. I was going to nip this in the bud right now and spend the rest of the day playing computer games and watching TV. I grab the address of the surgery off google, memorise the route and get underway.

I leave ridiculously early, that's just how I roll, meaning I arrive and take the opportunity to revel in the sun and walk around the block. Eventually I get up the motivation to dive in and am immediately on the back foot.

Me: "Hi, I'm... what the..."
Receptionist: "Hello. Can help you?"
Me: "Yeah, er... I thought this was a dentist surgery?"
Receptionist: "That's right, we're having a bit of a redecoration"
Me: "But, but it's someone's house. We're in the living room"
Receptionist: *blank stare*
Me: "Ok. Um, I have an appointment - broken tooth guy, I probably spoke to you on the phone"
Receptionist: "Yes, just let me find a file..."

This is the point where she makes her way into the lounge and starts wading through a tipped over pile of brown paper folders that are literally occupying the entire floor space. There are three or four chairs as a waiting room... none of them match.

Receptionist: "Ok, you can go straight in"
Me: "Which way?"
Receptionist: "Through the door"
Me: "... the door hanging off it's hinges?"
Receptionist: "I did say, there is some works going on"

I started towards the door, and I'm proper crapping it. This did not look sanitary, comfortable, I was in no way feeling self assured that this was even in fact a dentists - but what's the worst that could happen? What, they'd strap me into a chair, torture me? Well....

No-one is in the room and I look around at the vast nothingness. Dentist chair, check. Little side table, check... er, flys buzzing around, check... check, check, check. Eventually someone in casual clothing enters the room and gives his name. "Take a seat please Mr Stocker". Nervously I lie prone in the chair and the investigation begins.

Dentist: "Ah yes, I see.... you will require a filling"

Ok, I'm starting to relax now. You see I was expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I was worried I'd decimated so much of my tooth that I'd need a crown or something equally expensive/painful. I was strangely over the moon to discover it wasn't regarded as particularly serious and although it would incur a cost I at least knew it would be a sensible one.

Dentist: "This is a minor bit of work, I don't even think you will need an injection"
Me: "What? Really?
Dentist: "Sure"
Me: "Hey, an injection avoided is fine by me"

I was beaming with confidence now, this was going to be an in an out job with no craggy feeling afterwards from the injection. Bring it on Doc!

Dentist: "Oh wait, I haven't done any xrays"
Me: "Umm, what for if it looks fine?"
Dentist: "Well it might be cracked or rotten under the gum line"
Me: "But you just said easy peasy no injection etc etc"
Dentist: "True. It'll probably be ok"
Me: "Are you taking advice from me, I don't have any qualifications here?"
Dentist: "It should be fine, lets begin"

Fear was creeping in again. He reclined the chair, prompted me to open my mouth and did some pressure tests on the top of my tooth. It hurt. I yelped. He continued. Out came the drill for the forboding pre "bbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!" - comforting. It felt pretty unpleasant but I was holding it together with some occasional sqirming and the odd "ahhh". Then "ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" ............ nothing. I came too in pretty unpleasant pain with him saying:

Dentist: "Ok?"
Me: "Dude, what the.... ahhh, shit, that really hurt mate".
Dentist: "Almost done"

I'd tough it out, but I was pretty sure I just blacked out. I remember it hurting VERY much then things got darker then nothing for a bit. I was now bloody anxious, but I had a drill in my mouth what could I do. He continued. "Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"....... nothing.

Me: "Oh, oh I feel sick, oh dude that killed and I think I just passed out."
Dentist: "Lets get an xray"
Me: "What, now, half way through, no injection, pain, passing out, now?"

The machine was wheeled from outside the room and he positioned it then disappreared. He didn't come back for what felt like a pretty long time, and he was holding a small bit of yellow plastic. Had he spent that time making it? Dunno, but he was aiming for my mouth with it.

Me: "Humphhh, ahhh, arrrg, I think it's too big"
Dentists: "It's one size fits all"
Me: "It hurts, it's cutting into the bottom of my mouth"
Dentists: "You need this in, it's all we have"
Me: "No smaller ones?"
Denists: "Nope, you're going to have to cope. It's only for a few seconds"

This thing was cutting into me in a few different places but I bore the pain and eventually he got the xrays and buggered off again. I withdrew the plastic from my mouth and it was covered in blood. By now I was feeling a little woosey, and more than a little converned - to be honest while he was out the room thoughts of taking off were paramount in my mind. But this process was half done and I really wanted it sorted, finding a dentist had been hard enough.

He took ages to return with the xrays, and continued to explain with a massive grin on his face that the tooth was a little cracked below the surface but nothing to worry about - we could proceed safely. Just a litte more drilling, then the filling. The packing of the filling I knew I could handle after all this, and more drilling - gah I guess I was snookered on that one. The drill went back in, but this time I had a role to play. It hadn't occured to me until now but there was no assistant, and now thrust into my hand was the suction device which he placed and then asked me to hold.

Dentist: "Hold this here please. No, like this. Don't move it."
Me: "But it's kinda stuck to my tounge"
Dentist: "It's fine"

So, now I was acting assistant. I was not happy.

I went to the Dentist: Part 1

I went to the dentist and my teeth were... fine!!! Yes, I live - mwahahaha. In your face death misery, and most importantly decay! I mock you with my healthy gums, and chew at your bitterness and hatred with my solid and bitey white soldiers of enamul! FACE!

"Why so much loating?" I hear you cry. Let me explain.

When I was a boy I was forced to attend the dentists to the usual pre-determinded schedule of 6 months. I needed to do nothing. My Mum would pipe up when it was time, they had copies of the Beano in the waiting room, all the staff were lovely and kind, and the dentist himself was amusing and for the most part not a warden of dissapoinment and bestower of pain. Even when he declared braces were the best idea for scrawny invisible to women hormone fueled teenager. Whatever, we rode that storm and came out stronger. Everything was peaches.

Then I stopped going. Brush, floss when you remember, twice a day, yep ok I've got this. Thanks.

But these rules can be difficult to maintain when you lack motivation... gah, lets just say it - when you are lazy and thoughtless to your own dental health. This casual attitude went unchecked through University, into my first jobs and beyond - and then it happened.

Myself and a number of other people I worked with were being recognised for a job well done on a particular piece of work and we were being spoilt to a meal out at a decent restaurant. I wasn't with anyone I knew particuarly well, so I idoly chatted to my beers. Eventually a menu was thrust into my hands and I attempted to make sense of the french, however being relatively confined to the understanding of words such as "bonjour" and "cheval" the only option was to identify words that were the same in English and have a best guess. I ended up with raw beef starter and Lamb shank main. Raw beef starter. What kind of human orders that on purpose? I saw beef, I thought maybe skewed kebabs? No. Ultra thin slices of raw meat, that was so red as to convince my mind that it was in fact flesh from a recently mutilated cadavar. None-the-less very hungry and a little achohol fueled I perservered and it wasn't the animal roadkill scraps I had taken it for. Did I finish? Can't remember, but I'm not normally one to leave a man down.

Shortly after the main course was delivered, and after the betrayal of the menu for my corpse starter I was dreading the plate coming before me and being greated with a lambs head. Or arse. I was served last, dead last, out of about 25 people. In fact many people had already finished. But I didn't expect this to take very long, as with most fancy places the portions we made for those who are watching their waistelines and not their wallets and my thought process shifted to "eat this, drink up, thanks very much, McDonalds at the nearest service station". The lamb was hanging magnificently from a number of bones. I'm not mad on bones in meals, you can't eat it, it's basically the previous owner of the fleshes skeleton, and it's a battle between fingers and knife and fork that you hadn't counted on. Anyway, I began.

Not three mouthfuls into the meal came an almighty...

*crunch crunch, SNAP!!!*

What the.....

*grind grind grind, swallow*

"Man oh man, that was a tough bit of.... what, fat, bone? Have I just eaten bone!!!?" Followed by the quick inspection everyone does with their tounge, "1, 2, 3, 5, AHHHHHHH, what's happened to 4.

Me: 4? You ok buddy?
4: Ahhh, dude...
Me: 4, ah man what's happened!!?
4: Oh I feel bad, ahhhhh this is weird.
Me: I checked with tounge and he seems to think something is... *gulp*... missing!!?
4: Yeah, aaaaaah, you could say that. Lost the top corner buddy. Not gonna lie to you, it feels odd.
Me: Yeah, tounge said the same. Says it feel cavenous.
4: He's not wrong! I can't see the full extent without the lights on though. Would you mind hurrying to the bathroom and checking this out?
Me: Dude, I've love to but I'm trying to remain cool in front of all these people. I've already send messages to face to dim the red lights on the cheeks and I'm working with glands to stop the perfuse sweating. Brain is working on an exit strategy.
Brain: Matt
Me: Yup
Brain: We're gonna have to see this one out, they're taking the plates and pudding wil be server in a few moments.
Me: I like pudding!

So I sat there trying to asses the damage, remain calm.... calm!!! Calm!!! I've just lost a bit of me!! There's 0.025% less of Matt the person. Oh God, STUPID LAMB I HATE LAMB!!!

Anway, I juggled some kind of desert aorund without getting in my broken tooth, made my excuses, and headed for my car. I checked things out in the rear view mirror and it looked terrible. Not discounting the amount of redundant food parts swimming around but there was a HUGE chunk missing. It felt wierd and I mumbulled and lamented my blind food decisions.

The following morning, I trawled the net for a local dentist. I'd moved away from home years ago, and lived miles away now so I needed to find a dentist willing to work on me - which was not easy. Eventually I found one within walking distance of my place, and I booked up to see him the next day...